


(you can't go) Home (again)

by GaryTheFish



Series: Hope is a Four Letter Word [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 16:36:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7180538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaryTheFish/pseuds/GaryTheFish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Realizations, extended metaphors and lemon meringue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is where the second part of the story _actually_ begins. This is the start of their journey.
> 
> I thought this might be a good time to give some of the major prompts for the second part of this story (which is both the series and the collection listed above.) As I said, my work relies heavily on music, and to understand the rest of the story, you're probably going to want to check out two songs. They're both by Panic! at the Disco: the first is "The Calendar" and the second is "Always", both from the _Vices and Virtues_ album. You don't have to listen to them, necessarily, but looking up the words would be well worth your time. The name of the collection ("Put Another X on the Calendar") comes directly from the first song. (The name of the series is from "Counting Stars" by One Republic, which you should also go listen to if you've never heard it, or at least check out the words.) :)
> 
> There are some very specific songs that inspired some of the upcoming fics, and I will note those as the stories get posted. 
> 
> This specific part of the series will probably be two to three chapters, but the rest are generally one shots (with one exception quite far down the line - stay tuned!). It also has not been beta-read, so please let me know if there are any edits or corrections or glaring grammatical errors.

“I thought we’d start by picking up my keys,” Aeslin said as the cab wound its way through the DC traffic.

“Thought you didn’t need them,” he replied, recalling the way she’d gotten into her apartment before.

“Car keys,” she clarified. “Jim and Beth have them. They’ve been taking care of it for a while.”

“How so?”

“Driving it around, making sure it gets used,” came the reply. “You can’t just leave one sitting around for six months and expect it to work like it’s supposed to. I left them my keys when I went to Nebraska back in April. It’s all right. They’ve done it before. SHIELD never really told me my assignments too far in advance, so they’re used to having an extra car around for when they might need it. It's the 'date car'.” She glanced out at the buildings around them. “After that I thought maybe we could do some shopping. Explore a little bit. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty picky. I like to have more than one outfit to wear.”

 _Clothes_. He kept his smile casual, but he could tell from her face that she wasn’t fooled. She nudged him. “You’ll get to pick them out yourself, even.”

“Norns, girl,” he replied with a laugh. “You’re going to spoil me.”

She grinned as the cab pulled up to the curb. Paying the driver, she led the way back through the vaguely familiar lobby and to the elevator. It stopped on the floor below hers, and he walked next to her down the cool hallway. Aeslin knocked gently, and Loki heard a commotion on the other side of the door.

It opened rapidly to reveal a young man with one hand on the handle and the other wrapped around what appeared to be a pair of ankles.

“Doctor G!” the kid bellowed, surging forward. “Holy buckets here hold this-” he shoved toward Loki, who reached out automatically to grab the flailing pair of ankles as the young man tackled Aeslin into a bear hug and dragged her into the apartment while yelling for his mother.

Loki stood awkwardly in the silence of the hall, then looked down at the kid dangling by his ankles from his grip. They regarded each other for a moment, and then the boy spoke.

“‘Sup,” he said easily, pushing his t-shirt beneath his chin to see Loki better. “You gonna stand out here all day? Mom doesn’t pay to heat the whole hallway, you know. I’m Nate.”

“Loki,” he replied.

“Like the god?”

Loki rolled his eyes just a little as he went through the door and closed it behind him. “Something like that.”

“You seem to be handling this well,” Nate observed as they made their way across the room.

“What,” Loki said as he dropped the kid gently onto the first couch he saw. “You think you’re the only one with an older brother?”

The boy laughed at that as he wriggled upright, knocking pillows to the floor. Loki was helping him gather them when an older man entered. Loki straightened, throw pillows in hand, and the man smiled. “See you’ve already met Nate,” he said and held out his hand. “I’m Jim. Come on in.”

“Thank you,” said Loki, tossing the last of the pillows on the couch and shaking the other man’s hand. He followed him toward the kitchen of the apartment. It was a different layout than Aeslin’s, the more he looked at it, but the noises were unmistakable.

“-could have given us at least a bit more warning,” a woman was saying to Aeslin, who leaned against the counter with her arms folded.

“I wasn’t expecting anything,” Aeslin replied. “We’ll have time to catch up, but right now I just needed to pick up my keys so I can go get some clothes that I didn’t have to borrow from somebody’s Amazon girlfriend.”

The woman looked at Loki expectantly, and Aeslin stepped forward. “Sorry, Beth. This is Loki.”

Loki didn’t miss the once-over, nor could he have misinterpreted the look on the woman’s face when she turned back to Aeslin, and he chuckled. “Loki Laufeyson,” he said smoothly, leaning against the door jamb. “I’m a colleague of Dr. Kindle’s. Got myself stranded in New York, I’m afraid, and Dr. Kindle was kind enough to offer me a way home.”

“You and thousands of other people,” laughed Jim. “You got a place to stay? We’ve got a couch if you need it; I mean, Kindle’s got a great place up there, but it’s only a one bedroom and she’s got to save the couch for Ph-” He trailed off, eyes narrowed at Loki’s attempt at the universal gesture for _oh Norns please shut the hell up right this second._  It seemed only partially successful, and Loki’s hands were almost back in his pockets before Aeslin had made it all the way around to face him. Loki saw the mask go up, the steel slipping into her veins, but he couldn’t miss the look in her eyes.

Beth spoke first. “Oh, honey.”

“When?” asked Jim.

Aeslin took a deep breath, and Loki could almost see her skin crawl beneath where Beth had placed a gentle hand on her arm. “Last week.”

 _Colleague. Colleague._ Loki’s arms ached from the strain of keeping his hands in his pockets.

“In the invasion?”

“No,” she managed. “Before. A little before. I can’t really-”

“Of course.” Jim stopped for a moment, twisting his hands. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all right. I think I just need time.”

Loki glanced behind Beth to the open cupboard; several sets of keys hung from tiny pegs on the inside of the door. His fingers itched to do something, and he made an educated guess and grabbed the set of keys that bore a tiny, decorative trowel on one of the links. Aeslin gave him a grateful look.

Aeslin grabbed Beth in a quick hug, then did the same to Jim. “Sorry to run,” she said. “We’ll get together soon. I’m just a bit of a mess.”

Beth led her into the great room again, headed for the door, and Loki and Jim followed. The other man’s voice was quiet. “Colleague, huh?”

Loki grinned a little at him, one finger to his lips, and followed her rapidly out the door.

***

The door closed behind him with the familiar thump of machinery, and they stood together in the quiet of her abandoned living room.

“Do you want to rest?” he asked. “It might be a good thing for you.”

“Later, maybe.”

He slid a hand along the nape of her neck, feeling the knots along her spine, and he stroked his thumb gently along one of them.

“I need to get the card to my savings account,” she said. “Then we can go get clothes.” She didn’t move, though, standing in the center of the room with her arms wrapped around herself, the muscles beneath his hand smooth and unyielding as sun-warmed stone.

“I’ll get it,” he told her after a moment. “Just tell me where to go.”

“Bedroom. Second door on your left, upper drawer in the nightstand. There’s a clip.”

He brushed his lips to her temple. “I’ll be right back.”

A slight shrug. “Take your time. We’ve got all afternoon.”

Her room was large, sunlit and could not have belonged to anyone but her. Pillows scattered haphazardly across the bed, an easel in one corner and a woven chair dangling from the ceiling in another, a sketchbook resting on the cushion. He found himself staring at the work on the easel, and he realized that this was the companion piece she had mentioned what seemed like a lifetime ago. It was unfinished, the pencil work sloping down from the upper left corner and stopping somewhere in the middle. He dragged his gaze away, kneeling quickly next to the bed and opening the top drawer of the chest there. There was a metal band tucked into one corner of the drawer, a few cards in the clipped-together paper sleeves, and he pulled the whole thing out and shut the drawer again. Sparing one last look for the unfinished piece, he pulled the door closed softly behind him and went back to the living room. She hadn’t really moved; she was merely staring at the images above her sofa as though she’d never seen them before. He wasn’t even sure she knew he was there.

“Aeslin?”

Her arms tightened around her ribs. “We need to go.”

“Of course,” he said calmly. “I thought that was the plan.”

That was when she turned to him, and in her face he saw exactly what he had feared, and what he had been awaiting for days. The inevitable.

“No,” she said. “We need to go. We can’t stay here. It’s not… we need to go.” Her voice became a little stronger, a little more business-like. She went to a small table at the end of the couch, pulling out what looked like a miniature tablet and shoving it into her pocket. “There’s a laptop under the sofa if you want to grab it; the cords should already be in the bag. Take whatever books you want; the rest can come later. You’d probably like anything on the third shelf down, but don’t limit yourself on my account. They’re all good. It’s why I bought them. The laptop case has extra room for three or four, or there’s a backpack in the closet.”

He selected a few of the more intriguing books at random, more to appease her than anything else, then pushed them into the bag she pulled from beneath the couch. She slipped it over her head, the clip he had handed her already in her back pocket, and she looked at him with a bit of apology on her face.

“I’m s-” was all she got out before he put a finger to her lips.

“Clothes now? Clothes later?”

“Now,” she said against his index finger before he slid it away. “But don’t take too long. I want to beat traffic.” A slight scoff. “Like that’s possible in this town.”

He slipped the bag from her shoulder, smoothing her hair as the strap came free. Loki handed her the keys, and she took his hand as the door shut and locked behind them for the last time.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki discovers pie and gets a little philosophical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also not beta'd. It was basically spat out in a rage-induced writing spasm, so if there are any corrections/glaring errors/edits, pretty please tell me. 
> 
> Love you guys!

The time went rapidly; they acquired phones first, then moved further into the shopping center to take care of the rest of business. She worked fast, explaining that shopping wasn’t her favorite under the best of conditions, and her purchases were done quickly. She spent the most time in the shoe store trying to find replacements for the boots that had been destroyed beyond repair during the battle, and soon it was Loki’s turn. She parked herself near the fitting rooms, occupying herself with setting up his phone while he browsed; he noticed that she seemed at relative peace, so he was able to take his time.

Bags in hand, they emerged into the cool afternoon and loaded everything into the back of her SUV. They stood together for a moment.

“Better?” he asked, just as his stomach growled.

She laughed a little, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Not quite, apparently. Come on. Let’s find some dinner.”

Aeslin was silent as she drove toward the edge of the city, and Loki could see in her carriage that the steel was sliding from her body. Her jaw was clenched ever so slightly, her knuckles white on the steering wheel. She chose a small, out of the way place with few cars in the parking lot and pulled in.

Loki kept his hand at the small of her back as they entered. The hostess greeted them, and Aeslin stared at her a little numbly.

“Back here, if possible,” Loki said, steering Aeslin toward an empty booth in the corner and drawing the hostess up in his wake. “And if you’d be so kind as to forget about us for the next several minutes, it would be greatly appreciated.”

The booth was high-backed, for which he was grateful; he guided Aeslin into the seat and took the one across from her, allowing himself a good angle of the restaurant and shielding her from the general view. As Loki watched, the last of her fight finally drained away, and she dropped her head into her folded arms, shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. He reached across the table, hand stroking along her hair, and waited.

A movement to his right, and he looked up, a little irritated, to see a server’s retreating back. Two glasses of water and a thick stack of napkins lay on the table, and Loki glanced back up with a bit of surprise, thinking to thank the girl, but she was already out of sight. He turned back to Aeslin instead, pushing the napkins closer with his free hand, his fingers keeping their soothing motion.

Long moments passed before she raised her head; Loki swept a few tendrils of hair from her face and tucked them behind her ear but said nothing.

“It wasn’t mine anymore,” she said softly. “Seven months. I hadn’t lived there for seven months. Two visits, less than an hour all told.” She added a crumpled napkin to the small pile she’d already accumulated and picked up another. “It was like I’d never been there before, like it belongs to someone I don’t know anymore. Someone who doesn’t exist.” Aeslin shredded the napkin gently in her hand. “It felt like trespassing. I don’t think I can go back.” She looked at him, memory clinging to the edges of her face, and she shook her head. “I don’t think I want to.”

“Then don’t. It’s not your only option.”

“Stark.”

A slight shrug. “If you want, and that’s not even the only one. There’s a whole realm out there, _àstin_.”

“I don’t think I know what I want anymore.”

“You will eventually,” he said. “Trust yourself.”

He wasn’t sure if the words were right or not, but they were enough to set her off again, and he resumed his steady pattern.

“You can’t want this,” she told him eventually.

“What?” he asked in return. “Having dinner with a kind, brilliant, beautiful woman? I mean, minus the dinner bit, but I’m optimistic it will show up some time.”

That earned him a baleful glare; the effect was dampened slightly by the sniffle that accompanied it, and Loki gave her a half-smile.

“Being a nursemaid.” She tossed a final napkin onto the teetering pile, leaning back at last, and Loki breathed an inward sigh of relief. The worst seemed to be past for now.

“Ah,” he said, leaning back as well and making eye contact with a server who was going to be earning herself a hefty sum for being as patient as she was. She came over, snagging a wastebin as she did so, and Aeslin refused to make eye contact with her as she shoved the pile of napkins across the table and into the wire basket.

“Any recommendations?” Loki asked the girl, checking her name badge.

“Bryn,” the girl replied to his scrutiny, then proceeded to rattle off several options. Loki glanced at Aeslin, who shrugged.

“Two specials,” he said after a moment’s thought, “but leave the peppers off hers, if you can.”

“No problem,” the girl replied with a smile and headed off to the kitchen.

He twined their fingers on the table between them. “You’re right, you know,” he went on as though there had been no interruption. “I’m going about this all wrong. I should be showering you in flower petals at every opportunity. Seducing you behind every plant, including ones that are too small to conceal _any_ sort of inappropriate behavior from innocent bystanders. A _ss_ _ault_ ing you with poetry at every turn. Strumming harps, warbling poorly-conceived love songs at the top of my lungs, and pelting you with gifts until either you’re unconscious or you see reason at last, because _that_ , my darling, is _just_ what you need right now.”

Bryn popped back to the edge of the table. “Dessert first? Meals are going to take a while, and you two look like you could use a bit of cheering up.” Loki blinked up at her. “It’s part of the special,” she explained. “Lemon meringue okay?”

“Of cour-” he got out before she slid two plates in front them with silverware following close behind.

“Meals in a few,” she said. “Tell me how you like it; it’s one of Alec’s specialties.” With that, she was gone again.

Loki tried an experimental bite, then another. “Gods,” he managed after a second, eyes closed. “ _Gods,_ Kindle. Months. I’ve been on this realm for _months_ , I’m only _now_ learning about this?” He held up a gentle finger. “No, don’t speak. This place might be salvageable after all.” He took another bite.

“Think of it this way,” he said after taking a moment to stifle a noise of sheer joy. “Imagine that you’re wandering, minding your own business, and you stumble upon the remains of a battle. A vicious one. The carrion birds have come and gone, and it’s clear that there are none left alive. Except.” He gestured with his fork. “Ex _cept_ , there, at the edge of the battle, you discover a survivor. Closer to dead than alive, bleeding out right there on your feet, too proud or unable to ask for the help that only you’re in a position to give. So tell me, Kindlesdaughter. When faced with such a sight, what do you do?” He paused again. Whoever this ‘Alec’ was had a gift, and it was not to be wasted.

“I’ll give you a hint,” he went on. “You don’t seduce them. You stop the bleeding as best you can. You bind their wounds. You take them from the battle and find them somewhere safe, and then you let them heal. You let them regain their strength. Their hope. You give them room to find their feet again. To let the edges close enough that they can stand by themselves. To find their own path. And once that’s done?” He grinned. “ _Then_ you seduce them. Not a moment before, and only if they seem amenable.”

Their food arrived then, and Loki surrendered his dessert plate with a little reluctance.

“And you’re fine with that,” she said with a bit of disbelief coloring her tone.

“Never said it would be easy for me,” he answered, “but yes. And you’re right. I don’t want this. I don’t want any of this for you. I’d take it away, if I could, but since I can’t, I’ll do whatever else I can. Just a redistribution of duties for both of us, if you will.”

“So what are my new duties, then?”

“Easy things. The ones that only you can do. The basics. Sleeping. Driving. Eating. Bathing.” He quirked an eyebrow. “Though I might be convinced to help you with that last one.” He dodged the crust of bread she threw at him with a mischievous grin.

“And yours?”

“Everything else,” he said easily. “Whatever you can’t or don’t want to do in that moment. We’ll figure it out. We’ve done all right so far.”

They ate in companionable silence for a moment, until Bryn returned. “Pie to go?” she asked. “You two don’t look like this is your last stop tonight.”

Loki looked at Aeslin with the universal ‘why not?’ expression. “We’ll take two,” he said to the young woman. “And the check, if you please.”

She cleared their plates, returning in only a few moments with two small boxes. “Meal’s on the house,” she told them.

“Thanks?” Aeslin responded, her confusion apparent. The girl self-consciously pointed back over her shoulder at the small television mounted on the wall behind the counter.

“The news has been on non-stop. They’ve had some pretty um… clear footage,” she explained with a significant look between the two of them. “And we have a lot of regulars with family up there who’ve been paying really close attention.”

Aeslin looked a little embarrassed. “Oh,” was all she said, and Loki cleared his throat.  

Bryn quirked her lip. “So if you don’t want to get swarmed,” she told them kindly, “you’ll probably want to head out. Dinner rush will start any minute.”

***

They didn’t make it as far as Loki thought they might, but he realized it was probably for the best. Leaving Washington had drained her; two more hits to a soul already exhausted. The diner had probably made it worse, despite Bryn’s best intentions.

The sun had already set by the time she emerged from the lobby of the hotel; she walked quickly back to the car with her head bent against the chill.

“One room,” she said, shutting her door behind her. “Two beds. I hope that’s all right.”

He smiled, oddly comforted by the idea of company. “That’s just fine by me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated, as always. Thanks for reading! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback appreciated! You can also always hit me up on Tumblr @sweetmauleymalloy. <3


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